Meeting New People

I have some problems when I meet new people, specially because I tend to say too much. The thing is, I don’t like awkward moments, but sometimes to avoid these moments I end up saying things I shouldn’t and then there is a REALLY awkward moment. One example is, today I met this boy and we were talking. He dances, so do I. I was talking about street dance and the place I have classes, because he’s interested in starting. All of a sudden, I just started talking about how I didn’t get contemporary dances and all, and end up the guy loves it and dances it. I honestly didn’t know what to say. It could’ve been worse though, because he just showed me some videos of “So You Think You Can Dance” and it’s actually really nice! The thing is (he explained it to me) in Brazil dancers use a lot of drama and acting in contemporary dance, and in the end, there’s not much really left of dance to it. In U.S they use more of the dance to express the emotion, which is really amazing. For me, the dance he showed me the video, was lyrical hip -hop, but apparently not. Or maybe some lyrical hip-hop and contem. dance mix up to a certain point. I just find it really awesome that now a days you can mix different styles and have a new dance which is completely accepted. That’s what’s nice about dancing, each dancer has it’s own style and everyday someone is innovating.

Food… !

Today I totally forgot to eat. I woke up around 11am and wasn’t hungry. I told my mom I would have lunch later, at noon I just totally forgot to eat. When I was in the car going to my dance class I felt kind of dizzy and remembered I hadn’t had any meals throughout the day. But that was already 7:00pm. In dance class I was in another dimension. It was like everyone was o far away. The funny thing is, I felt high and weak at the same time. After dancing for like 1:30min I was tired and “high”. Now I wonder, why do people take drugs if you can just not eat for 24 hours and do some exercise that you get high! Although I had dinner when I got home because I was way too weak and my stomach was eating itself! Apart from that I’m really excited because the choreo. for MixColor (hip hop show) is ready! It’s only 4min and 30sec. but it’s a great choreo! It has a lot of energy and people upside down! Ha! I’m lovin’ it! The only thing is that the outfit is Purple, Green and Gray. Totally NOT matching. But ok, I’ll just go with the flow and get something sexy and with style that no one will notice the random colors… (yeah right). I’ll probably post pictures or even a video of us! =D

Back to the start

Seems like I’m back to the start. Vlogging is fun but makes me very vulnerable.. so I’ll just post up videos of me dancing and maybe, who knows, singing, when I can. My vacation so far has been very boring. The only fun part was like the first week when I had the sleep over with my THE best friends ever! It was so much fun, Alvy feel asleep at like 4. Then we took him to his room. The funniest thing was that we were all talking when we heard a snore. We looked at him and he was there, so vulnerable, sleeping. Laura started talking to him, like: “Alvy, are you seriously sleeping?” Didn’t get that, if he was he wouldn’t answer, or would be woken up by her. Of course, he woke up. We all started laughing. I took him to his room and went back to the girls.

We talked until 6:30am. Actually, we wouldn’t sleep at all, we had made this pact of who could stay up with no sleep. But then, thinking about it, we decided to sleep because we would be exhausted during the day and wouldn’t have time to have some more fun. I woke up at 8:00am, 1 hour and 30min of sleep. So helpful huh? My teeth hurt because of my braces that fell off the previous day. I went to my mom’s room and she was there so we started talking. I started sneezing and decided not to go back into the room because I would wake them up. Oh, funny moment. When we were talking at like, 5:00, we had just talked about scary things andour hearts were almost jumping out of my mouth. There was the door lock that I could see through, and kept imagining an eye, just appearing there. The scary clowns looking down on us on top of the shelf. The mirror that scares me to death because terror movies ALWAYS have mirrors where ghosts appear. We were scared and all, and I was like: Woah imagine if like the grudge lady appears through the door or something. After 10min talking, another topic, my mom opened the door and put her head through it. Seriously! I jumped so high and screamed soo loud!! Laura and Chris jumped too. My mom was like: woah, am I that ugly? haha We laughed about it later. Summarizing the wake-over (because we didn’t really sleep) was simply amazing. I won’t describe each and every detail because it would take forever and still wouldn’t be enough.

I hope my vacation have more of these fun days to come. Eric is not here and he’ll only come back July, 2nd. One week with him and I’ll leave July, 9th. I’m only coming back on the 20th. Although I will have lots of fun while I’m traveling. I’ll post more often now that I’m back to writing. It feel so much safer! =D

Goodnight to everyone. It’s 4:19am and I still haven’t went to bed. At 4:00pm I have exams (singing, piano and music theory) and I still haven’t studied THAT much! =O gotta sleep! ‘Night.

Hoedown Throwdown – Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montana)

Hoedown Throwdown choreography. I saw the movie yesterday and got the choreo. today. It’s not 100%, but it’s so fun to dance it that I felt like I had to post it up.

Slipped Away

I just watched this video that made my eyes fill up with tears. It’s funny how we people, live our lives. We have this one thing that we all know, we’re born, we live, we die. Everyone accept the fact, that one day, the ones they love will die and they will too. But the day when you loose that one person, it’s as if you never knew it was coming. It’s like someone takes your heart away and puts painful memories in it’s place.

I’m the type of person that always hold back what I’m feeling. As time goes by, this feeling grows inside of me to a point that it feels like my heart is about to burst. When my grandmother died, I stood strong. I was there for my parents and for the family. Everytime we met, I would hold a smile and say that everything was alright and that she is in a better place. But everytime I start remembering her, and the small things it’s as if it was the day she left. Everytime I listen to Slipped Away from Avril Lavigne, it’s like my world if falling apart, all over again. It’s the song I listened the day she passes away, and it still has the same meaning to me. I remember when we used to go to São Paulo and I wouldn’t say much, just like her, it was as if the silence was our communication and our hearts felt in peace that way. When we were alone, we would just sit there and stare at each other. Her eyes showed her soul, and I could see the brave woman that was in so much pain because no one understood her. In silence, we would sit and listen to each others breathing. Now, 4 years since the last time I heard her breathing I sit in silence. I close my eyes, and remember what it felt like to be next to her. My throat closes and my heart hurts, because I know that she can feel me too. I know that she understood me, with no words, because I understood her. I accept the fact that she is gone, but I can’t deny how it hurts to know that I will never be there, on a Saturday night, next to her. I can’t deny how it hurts, to remember the last time we hugged and said goodbye, and what hurts the most is that we didn’t know it was our last goodbye. Now, that I’m alone I can let my tears out and remember everything. I still love her so much, and all these years only made my love for her grow. I know that one day, we’re going to meet again. The silence will bond our hearts and mend our souls. It’s sad to say it, but I know that where she is now is much better than the life she was living here.

BEST Day Ever!

I’m so hyper ventilating! I just had THE best day, THE best dance class EVER!!  Let’s start from the beginning…

I don’t know if I posted about this. But recap: Some time ago my dance teacher gave us our grades for every style and physical condition. He gave me Poor in House (Trance, Psy… whatever you wanna call it). I was really upset, but I knew I sucked at it so not THAT upset. Today when I got to class there was this guy from the Advanced class and my teacher said he was there to give us a class about House. My instant reaction: “Fuck! I suck at this…” He started teaching us some basics. At first, I wasn’t as bad as last class but still sucking at it. He saw I was trying my best and he came to me and said: “Hey, feel the music. Forget about getting it right or wrong. Just close your eyes and feel the music.” He turned the music up and I closed my eyes. I  started getting into it. and he continued: “Yeah, like that, don’t be shy, lose control.” And so I did. I started dancing, and dancing with my heart and soul. When I opened my eyes I was dancing and I saw my teacher, the one who gave me Poor for House Trance, watching me. The “new” teacher started passing a choreography. I got it at first. I was SOOOOO happy. and I was actually feeling the groove and not sucking at it. My teacher got up and said he would include that choreo. into ours. And he started putting people into places. His thing is, the bests in the front and the bests of the bests in the middle in the front. He grabbed my arm and put me in the front and right in the middle! Damn right I was so frikin’ happy! He asked us to do the choreo. and the whole class was watching us. Just me, and the “new” teacher. I did it, and felt the groove, and lost control. Seriously, now I’m addicted to it. It’s the best thing ever! When you get it, it’s like soooo good! So, that’s part 1 of my happiness.

Part 2:  For the ones who are following my previous posts you all know that I’ve been working really hard to get my Freeze right. Right after my House Trance moment my teacher told us to do the choreo. I started doing it, beyond the fact that lately my memory is really bad (probably finals) I kind of forgot some steps, but few people noticed. When it came to the part 0f the partners I was so nervous. I went next to my partner and started doing our dance. He went around me (move right before the Freeze) and got down. Honestly, I don’t know exactly what was on my mind right there. The main thing was: the worst it can happen is death. So I went. And I did it perfectly!! Last class I kind of did it. But today, it was simply perfect! My hands didn’t shake, my legs were perfect. EVERYTHING was perfect! I was almost jumping up and down upside down (wonder how that would look like). My partner was already celebrating, I wanted to celebrate with him, but I couldn’t! (cause I was upside down). When I got up I was hyper ventilating. I finished our choreo. and exit left. When the choreo finished I went running back in and my partner came running towards me. We were both so happy! He hugged me and we started jumping and screaming and laughing and talking at the same time about how perfect it was! The whole class was just staring at us as if we were some kinda psychos. But I don’t care! I DID IT! FINALLY! My dream came true! Our dream! If anyone filmed that moment it would’ve been so Hollywood! Me running and us hugging and jumping up and down and him lifting me up the ground. It was unforgettable. Class ended, and I went to the car. I couldn’t stop talking, I was still hyper ventilating and still am right now. I’ll probably be forever like this. I’m so proud of myself, and my partner is so proud of me. I couldn’t be happier. So, I want to thank everyone that helped me do it at school. That gave me support, not only physical so I wouldn’t fall and die, but moral to help me win my fears. Thanks to:

-Laura: who was always next to me and helped me forget my fears. 

-Lorraine: for giving me advise on how to maintain my body and not fall and open my head on the floor.

-Andrea: my super cheerleader who not only was there when I tried it for the first time on the wall but also went through all my emotions when I got something right or wrong.

-Ylane: Who told me how to keep my body in place, and gave me support to go ahead because “I could do it”.

-Carole: Who was always there, sitting or standing, watching me do my crazy stuff. Waiting for the time I would go and fall head first. Laughing when I kept doing it all the time and running to help me when I was about to die.

Thank you so much you all. And thank you of course, to my partner that put faith in me and believed in me. Thank you for not giving up on me as a dancer and as a person. I will obviously not say his name because if he reads this he’ll think I’m some kind of stalker that writes about him in a blog. I really hope his English is not good. If you’re reading this… hum… it’s not you! Really, I’m not a stalker, I’m not crazy… Okay, maybe I am. But really who’s not? Plus, I’d rather be myself than blend into the ordinary…

Love you guys!!

Freeze

Like I mentioned on a previous post I had to learn how to do a freeze for today’s hip hop class. Taking in consideration that lately the weather in Brazil is making me freeze did not help when trying the hip hop freeze. My body is so stiff that hurts just to breathe. Tlday at school I asked some people to help me out. I was practicing on the wall, and I was already terrified. I couldn’t even put my hands on the ground that I felt like my arms wouldn’t support my body weight. I tried doing it the whole day long, and I actually did it! Of course, on the wall and not for so long but I did it! I was still nervous, because in class I wouldn’t have a wall and I had to stay up for one whole tempo. I got home and kept practicing. After so many times, I stopped concentrating before going and I ended up hitting my head on the wall when coming back. It was so painful, and so strong! I feel to the ground and stayed there. It was like my world had been affected. Even before hitting my head, I was with a small headache. But right there, I felt as if my heart was pumping inside my head. My ears started hurting because it felt like the pumping was so loud! I couldn’t move, every small movement was as if a building was collapsing on top of my skull. Carefully, I got up and sat down. I was really dizzy. After some minutes the pain diminished, or maybe I just got used to it. I sat down to play piano. While playing I started seeing these flashes. Just like when someone takes a picture and the flash goes out. At first, I thought it was outside. Then, as it randomly continued, I thought my aunt was taking pictures. It didn’t stop, I was really scared, it happened out of nowhere , it was as if my whole world just had this bright flash and then went back to normal. I went to ask my aunt if she was seeing this, maybe the lights were weird or something. Then she taught me something, she told me that she has that too. And that she went to the doctor and he explained to her. Sometimes the brain is having a lot nervous signals going on (this is not a biological explanation) and it overloads the senses part. Making you see flashes, or sometimes even feel a subtle shock on your skin. I asked if I was going crazy. That seems like a symptom someone would have before becoming completely insane. Maybe the next step would be hearing voices… She said no, and that it’s ”normal”. It’s not as if my brain has problems, it’s just that it happens. Since I’m really into Stephen King now it feels like aliens are trying to communicate with me. (I’m now reading Dreamcatcher – Stephen King… coincidence! =D haha). I know it’s weird, but it’s kinda creepy and exciting at the same time. Common’, something new for my good ol’ routine. Aliens communications! Ha! After my piano incident I didn’t see anything new, if I do I’ll post it up. I was thinking if maybe hitting my head had anything to do with it. I don’t know, and don’t want to know. What if there’s more effects? Like dying of internal bleeding in my sleep! Talking about sleep, I’m going to bed. And hope I won’t die of anything on my brain. Even though my head is still pulsing. If I do, this is my last post… Goodbye world.

PS: I didn’t quite get the freeze right in class. But it was okay because my partner got hurt so we didn’t do it more than once.

Physical Variations

Last dance class, Monday, the teacher told the ”couples” that the girl had to do a freeze and the boy another freeze under. I was really nervous, I can barely to a cartwheel, how was I suppose to do a freeze. My partner told me to practice on the wall and that I could do it for next class (today). I did practice. (more details about it on the post: Freeze) I got to class today and the teacher made us do these exercises. It was so painful. I felt like I was trying to get into the army or something. Everyone was in a row, we had to do push-ups, run, jump, crawl. And he kept screaming: GO! GO! FASTER! IS THIS ALL YOU GOT???!!! Honestly, I don’t know how I did it. 80% of the class gave up and left the room, because the teacher kicked them out for not doing it. I think that the reason I did it was that while I was doing it I kept thinking: “Go, you can do it. You need a good grade, you need to pass this level. You need to show that you’re good. You can’t suck a this too. You love this, common’” And I kept pushing me towards death as each second went by. At the end, he put cones around the classroom (which is huge btw) and we had to run around with the music on. We started jogging, and he kept running next to us and screaming and telling each person how they had to go faster and all. We were gaining speed so fast. After 5 minutes of running so fast and a guy screaming at you I could barely breathe. The cold air seemed solid when entering my lungs and I had to do twice as much effort to swallow. After 8 minutes I couldn’t feel my legs. I knew they were in pain, but due to the cold I could barely feel them at all. After 10 minutes it was as if I gained so much momentum that my body was moving so fast and at the same time in so much pain! When it was over, we had to go around walking so we would slow down. I looked around and 5 people of the 30 students were still there.
And I was one of them! I was so happy! the teacher said we had passed his physical condition test. I couldn’t believe it, me, Carol, that doesn’t do ANY sports (only dance) passed the test! The test that 25 students gave up on, because of physical pain! Well, my happiness didn’t last long. I stopped walking and my legs started hurting so much! I was having cramps at both at the same time! I never believed someone could so much pain. Even when I broke my foot (two ligament ripped, one fracture and one vein destroyed) I didn’t feel as much pain. Probably because I felt so much pain with my foot that there’s a point that it just gets numb and you don’t feel that much! It’s like, you know it’s hurting, but you kind of got used to it. Well, these cramps weren’t enough to trick my brain so I would get used to it. I was so tired I couldn’t breathe, my body muscles were all useless for moment and my legs couldn’t support my body. I collapsed. Then, the teacher said we were doing all the choreographies ( it’s like 5 minutes of dance). And he put the music on. How was i supposed to dance like that?? But like always, dance/music motivated me and I went for it. I danced like it was the last time I would in my whole life. Like I was going to die right after the last move. When it was done, it was as if I was a different person. I was light, my head, my body, everything felt different. If I didn’t know myself, I would’ve sworn I was high, but I don’t use drugs so that’s not an option. I guess, I got high on exercise.

After the second half of class we were doing a new choreography and my partner got hit on the face by this other girl. It was accidental, and I could see that it’d hurt so much! He went to the bathroom and came back with ice. His cheek bone was bruised. Tomorrow he has an audition to dance at a big concert with Claudia Leite at Salvador and he was so sad because he might not get the place if his face is bruised, because the looks count a lot. I could see he was really sad, disappointed, and I felt bad for him. I went and asked if he was okay, redundant question, obviously he wasn’t. He said yeah… I got out of class in a depressive mood and now I’m kind of airy. This post is to send good vibrations and luck so my partner will get his place in the concert… GOOD LUCK!

Wheelchair Please…

Ouch… ouch.. ouch…

That’s like all I can feel right now… pain. I just came back from my street dance class. It was CRAZY!! First, we got there, stretched and started practicing the choreography. Then the teacher started teaching us a new sequence, that had to go in pairs. (guys and girls). A friend called me to go with him, and when the teacher started showing the sequence I started laughing, literally. I was supposed to slide backwards under my partner’s legs, than open a half split on the floor, put my head on my knees while my partner did a flip OVER me and then kick my right feet up and start running. How was I, Carol, the girl that has no connection at all with the ground do such a thing. Plus I’m not very stretched. I tried, I could do the movements but in slow motion! My partner helped me a lot, he gave me a lot of support, which I thought was really nice of him, because some other person would’ve just started yelling at me. Then the teacher told us to do it with the music. And I have this thing that every time I’m dancing along with some song I get really into it and excited. So when we started dancing I did everything right! (that’s like after 3 tries) Shocking I know. But here’s the details of the first try with the music on. When sliding backwards I didn’t slide to the right direction, so I hit my partners leg and he fell down… oops. We started over again. Then the second time I didn’t put my head down and I accidentally hit his privates which wasn’t really nice. But we continued… I did at least.. he was moaning. When opening the split, I was in the momentum and into the dance and I went with all my force. What happened?? I actually did open a split… problem? Yes, I’m not stretched so I like ripped every muscle possible. But since I was dancing and into it I continued. I still can’t believe I actually did put my head on my knees, and my partner did the mortal on top of me without hitting my head.. phew… then I just kicked my foot up and ran. The third time we did was perfect. Even the teacher said we were good together because we had this non verbal communication. I’m so happy. For the first time in my life I did something on the floor that actually worked!! Okay, the bad side of situation… I can barely walk, my legs hurt like hell and I honestly think I ripped way too many muscles today. Anyway, I’m still happy… I’ll probably just go to school on a wheelchair. 

Too Much For Me??

Today during my singing lesson my teacher turned and said that I’m doing way too much activities and that I’m not focusing on one thing. He basically said, “Hey you try to do everything, and you end up sucking on all of them!” I don’t know why but I got upset, I know I am doing a lot of things. But they are not useless! Plus, I’m not going to sit and wait for life to pass by so when I’m 50 I finally wake up to do something and realize it’s too late cause more than half my life is already wasted. The problem is, my teacher assumed I want to be a singer. Not that I don’t, seriously, that is my wildest dream! But I just know I’m not good enough for it, vocally I mean. I might write some okay songs, with catchy lullaby, but I’m no Christina Aguilera. I told him I wasn’t doing it for a profession, it’s just because I love to sing and my dream is to one day actually have an album with songs that have beautiful vocals. He told me my problem wasn’t my vocal range, because it’s quite big. The thing is my emotional is always getting on the way. In my head, I can’t sing high notes because I think they sound metallic. (That’s true) But he told me that it doesn’t, and he recorded me, and it’s not as metallic as I thought. But still. I have this insecurity about myself, that is so hard to get passed it! I’m always afraid I’ll get off pitch, when if I try, I might actually do a pretty good job. He told me to relax, and that I got talent, I just have to stop holding myself back. That I’m so afraid to make mistakes that I don’t even try new things, and that it’s by getting things wrong that we learn. I guess he is right, I am afraid of making mistakes. Specially in singing. That when I’m off key it hurts my ears because I can hear it so clearly. I guess I have to get the wild and crazy Cary out there and see what happens. After all, maybe I might actually become a singer when I grow up… (ha! yeah, and then I wake up!)