Last Tuesday I went to my singing classes like every week. When I got there I noticed that some evaluations were going on. I didn’t pay it much attention, because I knew that they wouldn’t evaluate me, for I’ve been having classes for 3 months. My teacher called me to get in.
We did the weird but relaxing exercises and started practicing. It was when he said: “Oh! By the way, you have a evaluation today.” First, I don’t know why people keep changing the names. Evaluations, assesment, comprehension fact check, all are fancy words to say: TEST. I told him that I wasn’t prepared, and that I didn’t even know about it. I hear a knock at the door, my legs froze. It seemed as if oxygen became a dense liquid that I couldn’t push it down to my lungs. My theory music teacher, the school’s director and two kids entered the room. They were all staring at me. My teacher told them about my background in music, I didn’t really pay attention, I was trying to remember the melody of the song I was about to sing for these strangers. I was caught by surprise when he called my name and said: “Do you want to say anything before we start?” From all the possible things I could say to impress the “audience” or just make them feel more sympathetic towards me. But no, I simply said: “Oh My God.” Just like that. It was so plain, so shallow. It only made me feel more vulnerable and exposed.
My teacher sat down at the piano and started playing. I was staring at the paper in front of me with the lyrics, even though I knew the lyrics. I just didn’t want to face those eyes staring back at me. I started singing and I didn’t see any reaction from the audience. I could take that as a good thing or a bad thing. They could either hate it so much that they have no reaction, is actually very bored with the song, or are enjoying it and wants to remain still to listen carefully. When I finished singing I looked up and I saw them smiling at me. It was such a relief. The teacher said that she liked my voice because it was so soft and we could really play around with it. The director said that I was really good for someone who only had classes for 3 months. The students only congratulated me, they were probably told to do so. In the end, it wasn’t as bad as it sounded, only a little terrifying.
The funny thing is that when I have a big audience and a stage I feel so comfortable and so safe about myself. But when I have a small group of people watching I get really nervous. It’s as if they’re too close, or as if they’re too involved in what I’m doing. Even so, I always try my best to focus on my task and do the best I can. Later on, I’ll post some songs that I recorded here at home. It’s very amateur, but it’s something.
