Another one hour and twenty-five minutes of disappointment
Just like any other day I walk in the classroom and greet the teacher
Everyone is doing their morning small talks, however the topics and diction are very carefully chosen
One wrong word will put you on the spot
Maybe of mockery, maybe a simple case of exposing yourself to the class
As much as we are all aware of the risks, the attempt for casual mingling continues
The bell rings and everyone jumps into their seats as if there is a savage animal ready to punish them if they don’t
The room is quiet and apprehensive of what will happen next
What should we expect?
A happy teacher, ready to joke around and be socially entertaining
Or someone with a quite obvious purpose of using sarcasm to get through a simple message saying:
“I am better than you”
As much as we all respect and in some disturbed way, like, this teacher
We are all in some way nervous when it comes to his reactions
There are sometimes surprises to what the assignment really was
But no one has the guts to question whether he informed us on that topic
After a pop quiz that was actually expected for
The also expected mockery of answers in this same quiz is made out loud to the whole class
Everyone seems to be taking it as a joke, laughing and trying to blend in when the jokes on them
Class discussion starts
Something that seems much more like him talking, sometimes asking something, no one answers, and he just continues
Perhaps listen to some other interpretation
A brave student who will attempt to give the poem a try
Interpretation who will be then dismissed as misled and sometimes even comical
Can’t dismiss the eventual right answers, which are leading “to the right direction of interpretation” as he might say
In the midst of deciding whether of not to raise my hand and give my insight
My mind starts out on a chain of thoughts that end up not having any relation whatsoever with the topic being discussed
I then force myself to focus again and try to take the risk of being mocked
The cycle is repeated continuously until the bell saves me from the paradoxical purpose of a learning environment
I then leave the room, ready to come back soon enough and carry on this futile routine
As a note: the text above was written in the form and structure of poetry, however, with no obvious rhyme scheme or any other poetry literary device. Having it then be one of my personal mockery of my ongoing poetry interpretation skills to be developed.
As much as everyone says that when you grow up decisions will be hard and you will have to eventually face a variety of options, I don’t think we are ever ready for these. A small-scale of this, would be now my AP English course. As much as I absolutely love reading, and interpreting, and whatnot, I feel like this course has turned out to be a complete disappointment. First, I had major expectations because of the teacher, someone I look up to, and had the opportunity to take on of his courses before. I was looking forward to an insightful environment where I would come in contact with a variety of pieces of literature and contrasting interpretations for these. Before I would really look up to this teacher, knowledge and personality. It seems, however, that lately he seems to just use his superiority and vast knowledge as a tool to somehow diminish the credibility of his fellow students. I don’t know if he was always like that and just know that I am older and have the capacity to make a judgment call on my own to see that or maybe I’m misreading it. I still am very fond of him as a teacher, however I sense that in some disturbed way, he has the need to impose his superiority in his classroom with making the course become more like a foreign battlefield in which most people are afraid to contribute during arguments. Of course, there are always the brave ones who take the first step, and are obviously victimized because of their ignorance on the topic. I know I might be taking a leap here, but I’ve been so disappointed with this course that I’ve been trying to find a cause for it.
My first reaction is to drop out. However, I don’t want to just give up on things like that. Specially because the normal English course is simply, how can I put it… very not complex at all even for a low IQ student. So, subconsciously I might be making my way to the low grades to be eventually invited to leave this battlefield. But I will try to hold on some sort of interest in this class. I guess, all in all, not everything turns out to be what we expect.
