Back on track … right ?

After a very unstable week I think I might be back on track. Thursday, first day of school, after half if not more of my plans did not work out when it came to my schedule I finally settled with 2 blocks of study hall, which I fell in love with just like that. School always feels so different when I come back from vacation, I must attribute that to the bipolarity of the my school system, which they are always trying to fix things but never actually do. So it’s always, different schedule, classes, times, blocks and whatnot. The student counselor (or so she calls herself, I’d rather say the woman banging the superintendent who happens to be his wife and pretends to do something in school) officially hates me. Definitely not because I talk down on her (as seen above). She insists in being openly judgmental in just everything I do. The thing is, yes I can be a bitch when you deserve to, other than that I’ll treat you with respect according to the situation. Now this woman keeps attacking me from all sides all the time, and I’ve been trying to control myself. Other than that, school wise, everything was okay. Then the weekend came along and I had a massive relationship breakdown. All in all my boyfriend and I fought 24/7 and I felt like crap. I ended up crying after a family barbecue and made a complete fool of myself. I hate when my control freak, powerful, confident mask falls and my insecure, afraid, emotional self is exposed. I cried for hours straight and my parents would just pretend nothing was happening so as to not hurt my feelings if they said anything. That night I also got sick (probably due to the stress and all) and ended up not sleeping so well. Today I went to the movies with him and his sisters and an ex hooked up deal he had who happens to also be his sister’s friend. All in all I think we might be better now, all I gotta do is work on my self-esteem and all shall be good. Sometimes I have to just let things pass by, learn how to omit the truth that includes my feelings most of the time. I hope I will start my so hoped for therapy soon and will have some sort of guidance in my life, even if that means just paying a random stranger to listen to me talking and sobbing. This week Dance Crew starts and I have to start doing the routines for the classes. It will be some busy days ahead and I hope this roller coaster keeps steady and doesn’t have a down turn again.

Superstitious Faith

Last weekend I went with some friends to this Japanese Festival in São Paulo called Tanabata Matsuri. There are various cultural exhibits and culinary shops around, this is my second year going and I must say it is quite fun to walk around those streets. Last year when I went it was the day after I started dating Vinicius and predictably enough my bamboo tree/bush wish (I am no Japanese culture vocabulary expert) was going to be related to him. As a consequence of fate, dedication, love, passion, or perhaps the wish itself, it turned out we are still together until this day. This year he tagged along with us and we decided to make another wish and again related to us. There is some sort of vibe from these superstitious things that I can’t get away from, at the same time that I don’t deposit all my faith in these wishes I feel like there is no damage in believing. Until I find out the factor that changes the course of fate for our dreams to come true I will continue wishing on bamboo trees, birthday cakes and falling stars. May the wishing fairy listen to them all.

Stress Aside

I don’t think I can precisely put in words how happy I am my pointless stress was left behind, woke up today as calm as I could be this is why I always say: blame it on the hormones. Maybe my disturbing dreams were my savior tonight, I don’t quite remember all the details. I do remember though I worked on this Hippo zoo in a Caribbean island and there was an intruder but the only thing I had to attack him was one of those shock waves the police uses, while he had a gun. Since dreams are never unbiased tonight it chose to work against me and my shock gun just would not work or affect him. Well, it was a lot of stress for a couple of hours. Different from what I expected I did not wake up with the alarm clock, I was up 1 hour before the scheduled time, up and ready to go. Hopefully I did indeed leave all my stress in that random dream and today shall be much calmer. Taking into consideration I have a party to plan for Saturday and I’m afraid it’s not one of my expertise.

Disconnected

Today I was feeling exceptionally tired and out-of-place. I think my lack of sleep has been accumulating through time and it will soon enough affect me. Since the day I went to Curitiba (that would be last week) I had little if no sleep at all. My average hours of sleep during the trip was 2 – 3 hours, that when we didn’t party the night away til the sun would rise again. Even though I hibernated for 1 day and a half when I came back I guess it still wasn’t enough. Lately I don’t know what day it is, today I even argued that it wasn’t Sunday, when it was. During dinner I reached out to get food when I already had it on my plate (note that I had served myself minutes before). I opened the microwave thinking it was the fridge to put the food in it, that was actually quite funny since I had no clue what I was doing. I did indeed take a very restful nap with my baby after lunch, but it only made me even more sleepy after. Now I am going to sleep so I am fully rested for tomorrow, my 1 year anniversary with the most perfect boyfriend alive. Goodnight, sleep tight.

Life

We all live in what seems like a brand new world, full of surprises, new experiences, feelings and emotions. Yet, even though it remains so remotely unknown to us, everything is quite old. There are the ones who have already lived a whole life and went through exactly what we do everyday. They who have lived the answer to our questions of what happens next? In the aftermath, is it really that important for us to have knowledge of what is the next step? What is waiting for us behind that closed door, bend in the road, fog in the early morning? Perhaps the answer to all of the possible questions about everything is: live. Live and the day will answer your doubts. Live and the future will reveal your solution. Live and stop questioning, that is when we ge the answers for questions not even thought of before. Maybe it’s time to see the glass half full as “they” would say. We all sure know it does not take one night of sleep for that to happen, but it starts somewhere right ? I guess this is when it could start. In the end, life is nothing but, being born, playing, falling in love, breaking your heart, seeing loved ones go away, and the have yourself leave this place. All in all, we might aswell enjoy the ride.

The Peak

After quite a long time with no posts I am here to explain why. haha actually, I’m just back at writing. I can say that these past days, or I must say.. weeks, so much was going on and I couldn’t write. Mostly because I wasn’t able to get myself together and put it all down in words so I figured it would be better to just not post and wait for me to figure things out. Not that now I do but I can say that after all these downs I can see the clouds are starting to give way for an open sky and perhaps some sunshine will eventually clear things out. Now that things are good family wise, I have time to get myself together. So, I shall get back to posting again about just the randomness of my life.

Pointless

Second week of school and here I am at home already sick. Amazingly enough I would rather be in an enclosed room with random topics to be memorized than freely at home with nothing to do except try to endure the nonstop pain. Well, I guess some things we just don’t have control over. Even though I could be sleeping or just relaxing I can’t stop my mind from a whole lot of disturbing thoughts. I have noticed lately that I’m the type of person who just can’t have some free time because I’ll start over thinking just everything. That’s probably the reason why I fill myself with so many things to do. Be it right or wrong I know that there is a point in time in which I do have to face all these people thoughts. But first, I have to figure out how to do so… and I’m not even half way there, so tough luck.

Wow, that was a very pointless post. Lol I guess that’s what happens to a sick person (physically sick) with nothing much to do.

I wonder if it’s ethically wrong to write about what happened to other people in my blog… hum … perhaps they don’t even have to know about it right ? Nahh, too risky. Guess I’ll keep that one to myself.

It is so hard to write in a blog trying to be politically correct, seriously, it was much easier back in the day when one would just write whatever and not think.

Hum… I guess the hardest things these days is to not think…

Oh well, I’ll just lay down and rest for a while… I’ll be back later on.

Food… !

Today I totally forgot to eat. I woke up around 11am and wasn’t hungry. I told my mom I would have lunch later, at noon I just totally forgot to eat. When I was in the car going to my dance class I felt kind of dizzy and remembered I hadn’t had any meals throughout the day. But that was already 7:00pm. In dance class I was in another dimension. It was like everyone was o far away. The funny thing is, I felt high and weak at the same time. After dancing for like 1:30min I was tired and “high”. Now I wonder, why do people take drugs if you can just not eat for 24 hours and do some exercise that you get high! Although I had dinner when I got home because I was way too weak and my stomach was eating itself! Apart from that I’m really excited because the choreo. for MixColor (hip hop show) is ready! It’s only 4min and 30sec. but it’s a great choreo! It has a lot of energy and people upside down! Ha! I’m lovin’ it! The only thing is that the outfit is Purple, Green and Gray. Totally NOT matching. But ok, I’ll just go with the flow and get something sexy and with style that no one will notice the random colors… (yeah right). I’ll probably post pictures or even a video of us! =D

Back to the start

Seems like I’m back to the start. Vlogging is fun but makes me very vulnerable.. so I’ll just post up videos of me dancing and maybe, who knows, singing, when I can. My vacation so far has been very boring. The only fun part was like the first week when I had the sleep over with my THE best friends ever! It was so much fun, Alvy feel asleep at like 4. Then we took him to his room. The funniest thing was that we were all talking when we heard a snore. We looked at him and he was there, so vulnerable, sleeping. Laura started talking to him, like: “Alvy, are you seriously sleeping?” Didn’t get that, if he was he wouldn’t answer, or would be woken up by her. Of course, he woke up. We all started laughing. I took him to his room and went back to the girls.

We talked until 6:30am. Actually, we wouldn’t sleep at all, we had made this pact of who could stay up with no sleep. But then, thinking about it, we decided to sleep because we would be exhausted during the day and wouldn’t have time to have some more fun. I woke up at 8:00am, 1 hour and 30min of sleep. So helpful huh? My teeth hurt because of my braces that fell off the previous day. I went to my mom’s room and she was there so we started talking. I started sneezing and decided not to go back into the room because I would wake them up. Oh, funny moment. When we were talking at like, 5:00, we had just talked about scary things andour hearts were almost jumping out of my mouth. There was the door lock that I could see through, and kept imagining an eye, just appearing there. The scary clowns looking down on us on top of the shelf. The mirror that scares me to death because terror movies ALWAYS have mirrors where ghosts appear. We were scared and all, and I was like: Woah imagine if like the grudge lady appears through the door or something. After 10min talking, another topic, my mom opened the door and put her head through it. Seriously! I jumped so high and screamed soo loud!! Laura and Chris jumped too. My mom was like: woah, am I that ugly? haha We laughed about it later. Summarizing the wake-over (because we didn’t really sleep) was simply amazing. I won’t describe each and every detail because it would take forever and still wouldn’t be enough.

I hope my vacation have more of these fun days to come. Eric is not here and he’ll only come back July, 2nd. One week with him and I’ll leave July, 9th. I’m only coming back on the 20th. Although I will have lots of fun while I’m traveling. I’ll post more often now that I’m back to writing. It feel so much safer! =D

Goodnight to everyone. It’s 4:19am and I still haven’t went to bed. At 4:00pm I have exams (singing, piano and music theory) and I still haven’t studied THAT much! =O gotta sleep! ‘Night.

Spider-Girl!

Yesterday I was downstairs reading when I saw this spiderweb under this shelf. Amazingly enough there was a spider there and it was humongous!! It wasn’t the hairy type cause if it was I probably wouldn’t be here now (exaggerating). But so, I saw the huge spider and I decided to continue reading and kill her later, I just wasn’t in the mood for all the adrenaline of trying to kill a spider and then she jumps on you and you have to run for your life and all. So I continued reading. After some pages I looked up again and the spider wasn’t there. I got so freaked out! But I continued reading, and yes the book was so interesting the I was ignoring the fact the I could die or just become Spider-Girl in any second. After some chapters I felt something crawling up my leg and guess what?! That nasty thing was there, I was so frickin’ flippin that I started jumping all around. Seriously, I anyone saw me at that moment I would totally look like a freak, if I don’t already. I ran upstairs and slept with my mom in her room. I am so not going downstairs in that room again. Ever! (exaggerating again) The good side of it is that if the spider actually did bite me then I have some chances of becoming Spider-Girl! haha! Good luck for me on that!