Maniac Update

This is for who read my ERB text and was wondering what happened with the maniac from my dance class. Alvy and I went to my Street Dance together. I was so happy because he would “meet” everyone from my class and later we could actually talk about them instead of me having a monologue and him just listening wondering: “WTF is she talking?!” But so, Lorraine also went which was very nice because she’s thinking of having the classes. When we got there, all three of us were talking. I was pretty nervous because I had no idea how Mateus (that’s him) was going to treat me. I’m not that used to autistic bipolar freaks. When he arrived he just said hi to us and I gave him the I-despise-you look. When class started and we were watching this street dance video he turned to Lorraine and asked if she studied with me. She said yeah, and he said: “se fudeu”. Which literally means: you fucked yourself, but the meaning of it is: poor you or something. I didn’t get why he made such a comment, especially because he doesn’t even know me. Then he started laughing as if it was a joke or something, obviously I didn’t laugh and then he started explaining to me. I was like, dude, I got the first time, I’m not laughing cause it’s not funny, that’s all. He continued saying something but I just blocked him from my world and continued watching the Street Dance video.

I guess that from now on, I have to get used to these autistic bipolar freaks if I want to continue living in a society. Cause trust me, there are way to many weirdoes out there and I’m not up to any blending.

Exploring the House

My parents joke around that I like to explore the house. Every time I read in different spots and areas. This week I was downstairs in the guest’s room and I read until past midnight. Since i was already there I just fell asleep. And guess what? Now my temporary bedroom is there. It’s just so good and different to sleep in new environments! What’s exciting about that room is that there’s a big glass door that takes you to the “backyard”, that actually is also beside the house. Right next to my new room there’s the gate that opens to a whole new world of new things (my condo.). Now imagine that, sleeping in a place that is just so vulnerable and at the same type cozy and comfortable. I don’t know, I’m probably over thinking things, like always. All I know is that I just love this room, and I have everything I need there. When I get bored I’ll just go back to my old room that will then be new for me.

ERB…

After my ERB Math exam I had nothing to do, so here’s what I used my scrap paper for…

Once again, here I am. Stuck in a classroom doing a test that not only it isn’t worth a grade but I also never get my results back. So, why should I be interested in doing my best when I can just normally answer the questions and randomly guess? Today is one of those days when I know I have so much to do when I get home that I don’t even want to think about it. Right now the only thing that is on my mind is Stephen King and a stupid dude from my dance class who I will mention later.
For my Reading Workshop Project I am doing Stephen King as the author I’m going to represent. Yesterday I saw some of his interviews on YouTube and he is simply amazing. He wrote an entire novel by hand and he has an amazing way of stating things! Not mentioning that he is and will always be (for me at least) the best author ever. Right now, I only wrote 1/10 of a page and my hand is already hurting, now imagine writing a book like this! Although he said that he prefers manuscripts because you actually have to think about each and every word you’re writing. Then the guy that was hosting the interview asked, “But what if you want to change the order of the paragraphs or rearrange something? It’s not as easy as a computer,” and Stephen King answered, “I don’t do that, it’s a story and there’s a sequence for each paragraph.” I could see that the other guy was nearly shocked, because Stephen King literally said that he doesn’t get it wrong, ever. That in the sense of rearranging paragraphs, of course he’ll change some words and edit his work later.
Now, changing topic to the stupid guy in my dance class. Since day 1 he started talking to me, and he’s the kind of guy everyone laughs at because even the way he walks is sloppy and awkward. Two classes ago he asked how old I was, he thought I was 17, and the whole class thought so too. When I said I was 15 he was shocked and he started doing some jokes about how young I am. Of course, at first I took it as a joke, but then he started to say random thing all the time just to offend me. Still, I didn’t take action, because I figured it was me who wasn’t “getting the joke”. But then he started to hit me, and punch my arm as if I were one of his dude friends. He even pulled my pony tail so hard it hurt my neck as my head was being pulled down. I could feel my right hand getting the strength to release all my anger on his face. But then again, I have a violent past, and I’ve been controlling myself ever since I punched a boy and he missed some days in school because of the bruises. Even with my new passive personality I couldn’t help but imagine the feel of the touch of my fist on his nose, and the sound of pain he would release in between some gasps of surprise. I even got to the part of blood oozing down his nostrils and then saying, “What part of stop didn’t you understand?” I know that anyone reading this might think that I’m a psycho and that I need professional help, but I don’t. I’ve been very successful in controlling my anger + force lately. But the guy is actually hitting me! And I will certainly not accept that! I’m just waiting for the next class, and if he continues doing it, I won’t hesitate to make it clear that I’m not the type of girl that will be submissive in such a way. Actually, the only reason I didn’t loose my temper this last class was because one of the guys started telling him to stop and how foolish he was being. I know violence is not the best way to deal with things, but it sure is the fastest. So, good luck for me and especially for him. I hope he stops doing it, and if he doesn’t, I hope I can get the right aim and force to hurt him on my first punch. (I’m in for a fight if it gets to it.) Now my ERB time is almost over and I guess I won’t have time to finish all my thoughts. You know one thing that’s funny? I never write on the blog when it comes tot he typing, but when I start writing something by hand I write a lot! I guess I’m like Stephen King in a way. Who knows? Although I don’t think anyone can be like him, he’s so unique, it’s like, he’s STEPHEN KING, and that’s it. I guess I’ll start a notebook with my posts instead of writing on my blog every 6 months. Maybe then the blog will be more updated.

Dress Drama

The funny thing about me is that every single thing I do turns out to be an adventure. This weekend I had the 15th birthday party of a friend, Anna. I was one of the 15 girls that dance in the ceremony, all with the same dresses and all. I guess this is a tradition only in Brazil, even though I’m not a huge fan of any type of traditions I accepted being part of her “15 couples” because I really care for her. Well, let’s start from the beginning.

Yesterday I had to do my hair at 3:30PM. My mom and I stopped by to get the dress before going to the hair-salon, and my dress wasn’t ready, the woman told us to call at 5:00 to see if the dress would be done. When I was doing my hair, my mom called and nothing about the dress, the woman said it would only be ready at 7:00-7:30. Remembering that I had to be at the party at 8:00, because the 15 girls had to arrive 1hour to 45min earlier. So my mom told her to give my dress to the birthday girl’s mom because she lives in the same condo. I do. Making it easier to pick up the dress faster so I wouldn’t be so late. Time passed and Alvy arrived to my house at 8:00 because he was going to the party with me. I was still there, anxious and nervous about my dress that didn’t even show signs of existing. I called Victor, Anna’s brother, and asked him to call me when the dress arrived with his mom. After a while he called me and said that the dad of another friend, Bia, was going to take the dress to me in my house. I said okay, even though I felt like there was something wrong. It was 8:30 and I was still waiting for the dress. I called Victor again and he had no idea of what was happening. Poor him, he has nothing to do with dresses and was in the whole confusion. Bia called me and said her dad had just left the dress with me. I told her I was at home all along and no one left the dress with me. All the while she kept insisting that her dad left the dress with Carol Telio. For a moment I felt as if I was losing my mind, I was sure he didn’t stop by to give me the dress and still she was saying he did. The thing is, he went to Victor’s house and there was a woman there that said that the dress was her daughter’s and just took the dress. But her daughter’s dress was still in the store and was arriving. In my opinion, she must’ve thought:”Well, my daughter’s dress isn’t here so I’ll get this one so she can have one.” Not taking in consideration that I would be without a frikin’ dress. My mom called Anna’s dad and asked what would happen next, he said that the dress had fit her and that her dress was arriving and that I was going to use her dress. I was already stressed because a kleptomaniac had gotten my dress. When the other dress arrived and I put it on, honestly, I was so stressed I was capable of jumping on top of the kleptomaniac and rip her clothes off. The girl’s dress was huge on me, I couldn’t even walk because it was so long, my boobs were squished and there was 10cm of clothing hanging on my hip. I called Anna’s mom and said I couldn’t use that dress ever. Well, in the end I got my dress back and the girl got hers. But I’m still pissed, I mean, common’ that boobless, fat, giraffe got my dress and said it fit! She could barely breathe! But not everything’s okay and the party was great. I guess that in the end, what I get from this is that there’s people in the world that tries to take advantage of everyone and everything. But this time, I won, because the kleptomaniac didn’t realize her daughter has an abnormal body. =p

Insanity

I’ve just watched the movie: The Number 23, and it really got into me. It’s a really good movie, starring Jim Carrey. It’s about a guy that is reading this book and he starts noticing that some parts actually happened in his life. And there’s this thing that the number 23 is every where and people actually go insane because of it, even commit suicide.

It’s all about numerology. When the movie ended I started adding up my name, in numbers, and it turned out it is 23. I thought it was coincidence. Then I did my birth date. 10/01/1994. 9+9=18 4+1=5 18+5=23 it couldn’t be. And then, 10 – 01 = 9 23 + 9 = 32 that is 23 the other way around. What is even scarier is that, 3 x 2 = 6 which is the devil’s number. I know I can be over reacting, but it’s something that really got me thinking.

Music Evaluation

Last Tuesday I went to my singing classes like every week. When I got there I noticed that some evaluations were going on. I didn’t pay it much attention, because I knew that they wouldn’t evaluate me, for I’ve been having classes for 3 months. My teacher called me to get in.

We did the weird but relaxing exercises and started practicing. It was when he said: “Oh! By the way, you have a evaluation today.” First, I don’t know why people keep changing the names. Evaluations, assesment, comprehension fact check, all are fancy words to say: TEST. I told him that I wasn’t prepared, and that I didn’t even know about it. I hear a knock at the door, my legs froze. It seemed as if oxygen became a dense liquid that I couldn’t push it down to my lungs. My theory music teacher, the school’s director and two kids entered the room. They were all staring at me. My teacher told them about my background in music, I didn’t really pay attention, I was trying to remember the melody of the song I was about to sing for these strangers. I was caught by surprise when he called my name and said: “Do you want to say anything before we start?” From all the possible things I could say to impress the “audience” or just make them feel more sympathetic towards me. But no, I simply said: “Oh My God.” Just like that. It was so plain, so shallow. It only made me feel more vulnerable and exposed.

My teacher sat down at the piano and started playing. I was staring at the paper in front of me with the lyrics, even though I knew the lyrics. I just didn’t want to face those eyes staring back at me. I started singing and I didn’t see any reaction from the audience. I could take that as a good thing or a bad thing. They could either hate it so much that they have no reaction, is actually very bored with the song, or are enjoying it and wants to remain still to listen carefully. When I finished singing I looked up and I saw them smiling at me. It was such a relief. The teacher said that she liked my voice because it was so soft and we could really play around with it. The director said that I was really good for someone who only had classes for 3 months. The students only congratulated me, they were probably told to do so. In the end, it wasn’t as bad as it sounded, only a little terrifying.

The funny thing is that when I have a big audience and a stage I feel so comfortable and so safe about myself. But when I have a small group of people watching I get really nervous. It’s as if they’re too close, or as if they’re too involved in what I’m doing. Even so, I always try my best to focus on my task and do the best I can. Later on, I’ll post some songs that I recorded here at home. It’s very amateur, but it’s something.

Doggy

My front neighbor used to have a dog, never seen it, but surely heard it. It’s like a medieval torture. All night long, constant barks. The pattern is the same, and the tempo varies. But it’s always the same. I wonder if they even hear it! Probably not, if you add up the age in that house it would be near 2 thousand. They’re probably all deaf. The thing is, the dog died. And I was so happy! I could finally get a peaceful night of sleep.

Not for long. Yesterday I was watching TV and I heard the same bark. Was the dog back from the dead?? I couldn’t believe it! I went outside and it happened that a family that lives on the street bought a new puppy. Apparently, they didn’t give him education enough to be quiet! It’s like Karma, it’s there, and no matter what you do, it will still be there. Thank god the puppy stopped today. Maybe I’m being to harsh, maybe this family will know how to raise a dog. I hope so. They should follow my example, Meg. She’s an angel, never barks, only in extreme occasions. Like something that might indicate danger. If all dogs were like her, then we would have a much quieter and peaceful world.

The New AA

“You should include new students in your…” bla bla bla. All this inclusion thing is really getting on my nerves. Now the school decided to have these weird meetings to talk about how new students are not properly included in our school. Common! Just look around! Don’t blame us! If weird dudes come in our class and continues acting like a weird dude, he won’t have much friends. Only the ones that are like him! And that’s not only in school! But in life too! I mean, stop acting like we are retarded kids that don’t know how to socialize. If people don’t have the capacity to talk like a normal person and just refuses to get together with people that’s not our fault.

Last week one of these meetings happened. The first one. I totally felt like I was in the AA, and it was awkward!! “Hi, my name is Carol and I haven’t been mean to anyone for one month!” “Hi Carol. Congratulations” Yeah sure. Whatever!!! As if people are actually honest in these meetings! And you know what is even more annoying!?!? ADULTS! They act as if THEY treat everyone equally! They try, but they’re not 100%, just like us. Just because we need to “include” doesn’t mean that we have to treat the person like a little puppy that can get hurt at any time and we need to always start talking to them or they might start crying! Oh poor thing..!! Well, deal with it! I bet if we had a weirdo as a teacher if anyone would actually “include” him/her. We can’t deny that life is like this, some people just connect some don’t. And forcing us to “include” is really not helping. This is for my class at least, we talk to everyone. Yeah, we make fun of some people, but only jokes. And it’s just who I am. I joke around, did I offend you?? Tough luck. Deal with your self esteem and then try to act like the victim.

From what I’ve heard, not all the classes in school are like mine. There are these people that they say they won’t talk to people if they aren’t Brazilian! OMG! What’s the deal peeps?! As if there is no weird Brazilian dudes out there. The worse thing I’ve heard during the meeting is that: “people that don’t do sports are not included as much…” When I heard that I was having a hard time keeping quiet. And here is what I think:
“Excuse me, but I don’t think you mean that. I don’t do sports, and it’s not because I don’t want to waste all my social life in pointless, sweaty, irrational games that I’m not like anyone else in here. You can say that sports are good to your competition skills. Well, I’m not into sports and I bet I’ll beat the sh$t out of you in a debate. You know why? Because I have the capacity to compete and not look like a stinky pig on field! So quit the “I am the best because I love sports” deal because that’s not the way things flow. We’re talking about equality here, and what you do for a hobby does not affect how you interact with friends and whether or not you are “included.”"

I hate when people say that. Honestly, I love WHATCHING sports, some of them, but I’m not into playing them, for various reasons that are not going to be mentioned in this post. So, one thing for you sports freaks, live you life, I’ll live mine, we’ll get together just fine, just don’t act like you guys are better. Each person has it’s own quality, respect that.

Lonely Days

8 days alone. Well, not exactly, there are loads of people at school, but Eric is gone. He went to rancho with all the other sports freaks. Nothing against it, but honestly… it’s kind of sick… well, who am I to judge. So, going back to the topic, Eric is gone for 8 days and I feel so alone. I have all my friends and they are just perfect. It feels like I am single again, old times when I used to hang out with the gang and just have fun, forget about life. I’m not complaining, I love being in a relationship. It’s just that sometimes, it’s nice to catch up to good old friends. Today was the first school day without him, it could’ve been worse. Even though every time I got out of a class I would be waiting to see him… but no… No Eric… not today… not this week. It feels so depressing! Imagine how tomorrow will be! I’ll just live one day at a time, and maybe I won’t suffer as much. Hope I’ll survive, I will survive… with the friends I have always there for me! Right Alvy and Laury??? LoL

Bio

Science has been my favorite subject for like ever. But since 9th grade started I’ve been rethinking about it. It’s not that I don’t like Bio but I find it hard to see it as something “extremely interesting”. I read the chapter and I got the subject, but when I get the quiz I realize that I didn’t really understand the subject. Today, my bus got late, like always, and Bio was my first class. I hate the fact that my bus gets late because it’s not my fault and I end up getting a late pass and a detention! I wake up every day at 6:00am and I still get late!! That’s frustrating. But so, going on with the story, I got late and went to Bio class. When I went in the first thing I was told is: “WE HAVE A QUIZ ON CHPATERS 3,7,8.” I nearly fainted, how was that possible??? I studied geography this weekend and was planning to study bio during the week. We had to answer 5 questions and I knew nothing! I had no idea what they were talking about. I answered four of them, not really answered, I just re-stated the question. The first thing I’ll do today is bury my head in the bio book and pretend I understand the subject.